No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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