life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
