$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
