I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
