Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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