she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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