Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
