so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
