This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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