Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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