a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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