No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
