Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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