her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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