____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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