Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
