loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
