my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.