my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
