So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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