This is not my ceiling
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.