Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
