He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?