We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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