thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
