apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need to stop coming to work sober
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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