Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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