Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
