oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
