No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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