good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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