I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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