On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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