So drunk its hurt
You smell like stripper and shame
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
