All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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