You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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