im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
