Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
