I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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