1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
