God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's always time for handjobs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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