I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
