just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
