Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
