If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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