I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize