You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
