I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
