he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
