So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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