My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
