batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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