hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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