Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
