I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
