he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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