I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
