his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
