Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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