omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
