Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
