So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
