guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm both gender and math confused
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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