im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
