my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
