problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
