ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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