I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
