I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
