It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
