your parents love me but you hate me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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