Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
being pregnant is like rehab
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
