North Korea, Best Korea!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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