Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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