She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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