We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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