there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
